Comments on: The wedding gift as price of admission.

By: Donna Freedman

Donna Freedman — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 02:55:26 +0000

@Average: Yes, but was it too late for the early-bird special?
Thanks for reading, and congratulations on finding love eventually.

By: average

average — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 02:20:52 +0000

My wife and I married when we both were 50. First marriages for both of us (long story).

Anyway, not having a lot of money, and not wanting to have to schedule a year or more in advance, I rented the hall at the local Senior Center for a Saturday afternoon. Cost about $80.00 if I recall correctly. Then weall went to a local fancy restaurant for dinner. Done.

By: Arthi K

Arthi K — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 03:02:34 +0000

I’m a bit late to this post, but wow – I had no idea that couples expect gifts based on how much they have spent on the wedding. I’ve always grown up with the thought that you should give more for people you know better. And yes, I know that that implies we get invited to strangers’ weddings – because we occasionally do! Our weddings in India tend to be these expansive affairs where you *have* to invite every living relative you know, and that usually is over 200 every time. So, occasionally our family will go to a third cousin’s son’s wedding and we are expected to pony up something nominal, whereas when I went to my childhood friend’s wedding, I gave a much larger gift.

By: Penniless Parenting

Penniless Parenting — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 05:12:16 +0000

I think this whole concept is just plain silly. Many of my friends have a large savings account from their “wedding gift money”- often enough money to put as a down payment on a house. These people had large weddings, invited lots of people, got lots of money as gifts, and have more money in the future.
On the other hand, people like myself who have a small wedding in a cheap place, simply because they can’t afford any more, get measly little wedding gifts.

Usually the people spending more money on weddings are the people who need the money less, whereas the people who spend less money are not well to do and could actually really use a large wedding gift.

I rarely go to weddings now that I have kids, but when I do, I rarely give a gift because we’re not in the financial position to do so, and everyone knows that. They don’t like it? Too bad.

By: Red

Red — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 02:36:44 +0000

Hm… Hm… Hm…! This is a tough topic because I just planned a wedding for a bunch of people I didn’t care to see to please my parents. Of course, they footed the bill. BUT I think wedding guests have a very flippant attitude about how much it costs to have a wedding. My grandparents told us, “We just can’t imagine spending thousands on a wedding.” We had the wedding in my parents’ yard. We had Buddy’s BBQ cater; BBQ alone cost $900. We had to rent tents in case of rain, plus tables and chairs – the rentals also cost close to $2,000. So, yes, many couples do CHOOSE to rent expensive china, hire a professional band and serve expensive alcohol. But even when you use your iPod for music, skip alcohol all together, buy plastic tablecloths and use paper plates supplied by the caterer, you’re still shelling out $5,000 or more to entertain people who want to be a part of your “special day.” I’m not saying guests should foot the bill, just that they should be more mindful of this fact.

By: Maharani

Maharani — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 16:52:11 +0000

@Marcia: I no longer attend weddings. Viewed as events, weddings are all alike and very tedious, I am tired of all the silly rules (cant wear white, outshine the bride, blah blah blah), and I’m still buying household stuff for myself. Often the combined incomes of the couple exceed mine, so they are welcome to buy their own stuff. It might be etiquette, but I do not agree that receiving an invitation means I have to send a gift, even if I do not attend. It goes straight into the trash can. Weddings seem to have become occasions of naked greed. And dont even get me started on bridal showers……

By: Debbie

Debbie — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 10:56:17 +0000

Oh, and while I’m ranting – our wedding was low budget compared to most of our friends. My dress was second-hand (actually, third-hand), we decorated the hall ourselves, and did not bother with a lot of the “must haves” (like videography). Most of our guests were from a community that often does not gift, and so we did not come close to making what we spent – but then, we never expected to.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 10:53:35 +0000

This is a huge dillema for me, and we’ve turned down wedding invitations because sometimes we can’t “afford” to go. Not of close friends – I’ll dig into my grocery budget for their gift and budget in advance- but weddings of people we like, but aren’t close to. Sometimes only one of us will go (I’m married) so we can give less in the check. How sad is that!

I live in Israel, and the “rule” is to pay AT LEAST the cost per plate. In reality, people pay a lot more. For a couple, $100 is considered cheap. If it’s a good friend, a couple is expected to give $120-135 – and the average salary here is less than $25K a year! We just turned down a wedding invite for a former colleague, so that we can send a $65 check instead of $120 (plus gas, babysitter, and work lost, since my husband works evenings).

Weddings are an expensive business!

- that is, when you’re a guest…

By: Festival of Frugality » Blog Archive » Festival of Frugality Number 281

Wed, 26 May 2010 19:59:44 +0000

[...] Donna Freedman shares in an excellently written article her views on wedding gifting in The Wedding Gift as Price of Admission. [...]

By: Donna Freedman

Donna Freedman — Wed, 26 May 2010 01:59:58 +0000

Monroe: I would think that sometimes a church wedding would be LESS expensive. You could hold a reception in the church’s fellowship hall instead of paying a lot more for a commercial venue. In addition, your faith community might know your circumstances and not be offended if your reception were just cake and punch — it would be more about the joyousness of the occasion than an expensive party.
Thanks for reading.